I’m in the intermediate state between fully trusting Christ.
In that I still think there is something I can say and some thing that they can follow that will save them.
But it is entirely the work of god.
That I am a mere spectator.
You know god is god.
God is god!
I’m not in charge.
I’ve tried and I still try to be in charge.
I still try to tell people what to do.
How to live their lives.
But faith is faith and sight is sight.
Faith is not sight.
I think I see what is the correct or best way to live life.
But that is not faith.
Faith is to know that god is in charge.
That things may not be going as I think they should but god is in charge.
That by me disagreeing with the way things are going.
And I do. I think they could be so much better.
But that is not faith.
The crux is the good news.
That god is in charge and that god is love.
That he has the best of intentions for us.
That everything that happens. Whether we think it good or evil is in the plan of god.
And he wills that none should perish.
So we or rather I beyond sight have faith in 2 things. Or maybe 3.
God is in charge.
God is responsible for everything.
God is both willing and able to fulfill his desires.
And he loves us.
That is the good news and the crux of my view of scripture and the world.
The whole thing is a work in progress.
And he is both willing and able to bring it all to a heavenly conclusion.
Everything in opposition to this is a lack of faith in god.
I am not in control of me or anyone else.
But god is..
And thank God that he is.
This is the faith that lets me wander and return.
To mess up sometimes or most of the time.
Because I believe that in the end he has me.
I don’t need to behave all the time.
I don’t mean I do things that hurt other people.
For me personally sometimes I get drunk.
According to some churches I live in sin with my girlfriend.
I work as a support worker.
I love my job. Bringing joy and looking after people who can’t look after themselves.
But sometimes I get drunk.
Sometimes I say I’ll do things and don’t do them.
But the good news is (at least as I see it) that this doesn’t matter.
Somebody else is in charge. Somebody much more capable than me. Somebody who knows and understands everything that is going on and has total control over it all.
So I don’t fight myself.
And the funny thing is I have found that by this not fighting myself or others I have become more and more stable as time has gone on.