When I was younger I used to have a go at my parents for how they brought me up.
I would criticize them for not making me fit in more.
I think this is a common thing with us humans.
It takes many guises but all the forms it takes share a common theme. You are blaming someone for you.
You are saying that because your parents did this you’re a fuck up.
That because you didn’t have parents you’re a fuck up.
That because this person did this horrible thing you are a fuck up.
So you have a go at these people or parents. You’re angry at them.
But say you get what you think you want.
You have a go at them and they cry. They get down on their knees and say “sorry”.
What good is that to You? You’re still a fuck up right?
All of us can do some things and can’t do other things. Every one of us knows what we should do and to varying degrees don’t do it.
This is universal and this is why you think you’re a fuck up.
Everyone reacts to stimuli differently. A thing a parent does to one child that makes them happy could traumatize another.
Human interaction is a game of roulette.
All that we are doing when we blame other people for ourselves is avoiding the issue.
You don’t like yourself. That is the problem. You think you are a badly made human being.
Even if this is true what good is an apology? After all it would just be someone else agreeing with your self loathing. “I’m sorry I fucked you up.” Is just “You’re a fuck up” wearing a smiling mask.
Why do you think you’re a fuck up?
According to whom?
Where did you get your standards from? Do you even know?
Don’t you see that as long as you operate within this framework you will never stop hating yourself?
That even if you manage to be who you think you should be there will be that little voice at the back of your head that says “You’re a fake.”