Nobody really wants to be special. At least not in the sense they think they do.
What is special?
It’s one of those words that doesn’t really mean anything.
To be different?
Well why not just say “different”?
To be different in a good way is what I suppose you mean by it.
Really what you mean is that you want people to enjoy you.
When you look at concrete cases that’s what people do when they try to be special.
“Look mummy look what I can do!”
The child isn’t trying to rub it’s parents face in the ability it has.
It’s really quite an innocent and pure thing.
The child wants to be enjoyed by mummy.
It shows something beautiful about us.
We want each other to experience enjoyment or pleasure in us.
We want to cause nice feelings in others.
This is the pure seed at the heart of pretty much all human endeavour.
But then it gets twisted by words like special.
Due to the fact that special mixes this desire to cause pleasure in others with the idea of being different people do all sorts of atrocious things just to be special.
This is behind a lot of serial killers. You know the cliche: a serial killer wants to get caught.
Why? Because he wants to be special.
And you can’t be special if nobody knows you’re special.
Even here though ultimately it results in the pleasure of others.
Do you think anyone really suffers over the crimes of Jack the ripper anymore?
Come off it. Of course they don’t.
But how many people enjoy that narrative, go to London specifically to do the Jack the ripper tour?
It’s a wonderful way to experience a vicarious thrill.
See all the nastiness is gone and we’re left with excitement and interest.
The same is true of ww2 and the holocaust.
That was awful. But nobody suffers from it anymore.
That feeling of horror and revulsion is a thrill.
It’s not the feeling of starvation and suffering.
That’s always temporary.
Again why did hitler do that?
Because he wanted to maintain or create the specialness of blonde bimbos.
Isn’t This wonderful.
I meant to moralize about how perverse special is.
And it is. This nothing tagged by a word causes all sorts of suffering unintentionally.
It’s fun to be enjoyed by other people and it’s fun to enjoy other people.
If we kept it like that we could navigate the course of our desires with much less suffering.
But don’t worry.
No matter how bad you think you are, no matter how much suffering you cause it will all be all right in the end.
It all comes out in the wash eventually.