Who are you?

” For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure.” Phil. 2:13

To see this is to see god peeping out of the eyes of everyone.

It makes my job a wonderful act.

I’m a support worker.

And I see god in them all.

The same I that is behind me or my ego is the I that is behind yours and everyone’s and the people I care for.

What does Paul say to the Athenians? That god is closer than they think.

“The kingdom of heaven is within you.”

You know when Jesus says he is the son of God and the Jews try to stone him and he replies:

Do not your own scriptures say you are little God’s?

In the kjv that “the” in “The son of god” is in italics because it isn’t what the Greek says.

The Greek says “I am a (A) son of god.”

The spirit of the Lord is a lamp that searcheth out the inward parts of a man.

I believe this refers to consciousness.

Deep deep down and far far in you are god because there is nothing else but god.

What else could there be?

Nihilo ex nihil.

You, me and flowers and stones are acts that god puts on for shits and giggles.

Really you and me are illusions. A way for god to pretend he isn’t himself for a bit so he can have a thrill when he wakes up.

What other reason could there possibly be for god to act?

He already has it all.

Nothing can be added to him and nothing taken.

The only motive that makes sense for God to have is to play for fun and that’s what creation is.

All stories need a hero and a villain.

So god pretends to be both.

But no one is hurt because there is just god.

In all your sufferings I suffer with you.

He suffers with us because he is us.

But we aren’t powerful.

We are to god what your lap is to you.

You stand up and where is your lap?

The question why will take you home.

Why does god do what he does?

Why do you do what you do?

You only work so you can play and enjoy.

A purpose is a temporary thing.

A purpose is work.

The true wisdom lies in the pointless.

The pointless is play and dance and music.

Heaven and hell are the same place seen from different perspective.

Another word for futility is… well what is more futile than play.

Yet what do you love to do with your dog’s and kids?

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A response to a response from a street preacher

In a sense I’m being a spoil sport.

A bit like a person who runs out on the football pitch and screams at everyone

“It’s just a game!”

You know very well what game you’re playing.

You don’t need me to tell you.

But it is fun to put on that voice.

You enjoy it too.

It’s why you preach in the streets.

You enjoy it.

But that’s not enough is it? We need to pretend we’re being serious.

But it’s just a game because God’s in charge.

If you could get that you’d see there’s nothing for anyone to do.

But we want to be the hero don’t we. The star in our own movie.

So we cling to these fictions like hell and that because they make the game serious.

But you know deep down it’s bunk because God’s in charge and he loves us.

He does the good and the bad.

All things are from, through and to him.

You do know all things includes the evil.

But of course we can’t admit that because it means we couldn’t play the game anymore.

It’s a funny old thing.

Oh, you special SOB please don’t be special to me.

Nobody really wants to be special. At least not in the sense they think they do.

What is special?

It’s one of those words that doesn’t really mean anything.

To be different?

Well why not just say “different”?

To be different in a good way is what I suppose you mean by it.

Really what you mean is that you want people to enjoy you.

When you look at concrete cases that’s what people do when they try to be special.

“Look mummy look what I can do!”

The child isn’t trying to rub it’s parents face in the ability it has.

It’s really quite an innocent and pure thing.

The child wants to be enjoyed by mummy.

It shows something beautiful about us.

We want each other to experience enjoyment or pleasure in us.

We want to cause nice feelings in others.

This is the pure seed at the heart of pretty much all human endeavour.

But then it gets twisted by words like special.

Due to the fact that special mixes this desire to cause pleasure in others with the idea of being different people do all sorts of atrocious things just to be special.

This is behind a lot of serial killers. You know the cliche: a serial killer wants to get caught.

Why? Because he wants to be special.

And you can’t be special if nobody knows you’re special.

Even here though ultimately it results in the pleasure of others.

Do you think anyone really suffers over the crimes of Jack the ripper anymore?

Come off it. Of course they don’t.

But how many people enjoy that narrative, go to London specifically to do the Jack the ripper tour?

It’s a wonderful way to experience a vicarious thrill.

See all the nastiness is gone and we’re left with excitement and interest.

The same is true of ww2 and the holocaust.

That was awful. But nobody suffers from it anymore.

That feeling of horror and revulsion is a thrill.

It’s not the feeling of starvation and suffering.

That’s always temporary.

Again why did hitler do that?

Because he wanted to maintain or create the specialness of blonde bimbos.

Isn’t This wonderful.

I meant to moralize about how perverse special is.

And it is. This nothing tagged by a word causes all sorts of suffering unintentionally.

It’s fun to be enjoyed by other people and it’s fun to enjoy other people.

If we kept it like that we could navigate the course of our desires with much less suffering.

But don’t worry.

No matter how bad you think you are, no matter how much suffering you cause it will all be all right in the end.

It all comes out in the wash eventually.

Who told you you have to be warm?

Here am I forsaken and alone

Seeking for solace from a cold stone.

I suck at it’s pap sweet milk of oblivion

Wanting an other

to do me

For me.

I’m a cold stone seeking heat from amongst the cold stones

I don’t stop despite the blisters that come from my shaking groans.

For a bit the pain feels like warmth

But soon fades and all I’m left with is the cold and the pain.

One day a whisper will creep into my mind.

I’ll distrust it at first because it’s unfamiliar

Because all the other whispers disagree

And tell me this whisper’s seductive chant is dangerous.

But eventually I’ll be forced to turn and listen

By the endless failures

By the ceaseless cold.

The whisper says:

Who told you you have to be warm?

A shiver

exactly like all the shivers I’d shivered before

runs through me

except this time it’s different.

Stressy Betty

I find work makes a fool of me.

I know how stupid it is to worry and be stressed.

By stupid I mean it does nothing.

You might as well bang your head against a wall to cure a headache.

But no matter how well I think I know this I still do it!

I’m constantly fretting about doing something wrong at work.

This fretting or lack of confidence is the very thing that makes the work so… well so worklike.

If I could only stop this it would be a pleasant stroll in the park.

But despite this I still fail.

I suppose this is where faith comes in.

My sight tells me I’m messing up but faith tells me I’m not.

Thankfully the faith is constantly being proven right.

But still I worry and fret.

Just shows who’s in control.

Or rather who isn’t

I’m not in control and You know What?

I’m happy about that.

On leaving home

What are the fundamental problems that society has to deal with in the current era?

To be fair these problems are really the fundamental problems for society across all eras but the reason they seem particularly problematic now is that we are failing to meet them.

These problems are:

The raising of children.

The care of the elderly.

Lonliness.

These problems have been exacerbated by the desire of the young to leave home and make it on their own.

This idea of making it on your own is now seen as a virtue.

The mature adult who stays at home is looked down upon.

Why is this?

I mean think about it. What would be the best way for a family to flourish?

Wouldn’t it be if the members of the family stuck together and shared the cost of basic living?

The more members the family has the less it would cost each member to live in a house.

They could share the load of rearing the next generation amongst themselves.

Do you think bad parenting happens because the parents don’t know how to bring children up or don’t love their children?

Don’t be dense.

The reason is because the parents are worked too hard. They have to work jobs to feed their family.

These jobs are designed to suck the effort capacity of the employees and turn it into profit.

The parents are shattered and this is why they don’t parent well.

I mean come on!

Parenting is supposed to be a full time job right? How can you expect them to do it after working a full time job?

Well if you had 3 generations living under the same roof (children, parents and grandparents) then the load is lessened.

This is fucking basic. I mean how stupid have we been made to be?

The grandparents would then have a role to play into their dotage.

They wouldn’t have to spend the pittance they save for their children’s inheritance on being poorly cared for by strangers.

They would be in the bosom of their family.

Now though you have parents who essentially rear their children for corporations.

Once the children become competent they leave the family home and basically work for the estate and letting agents.

Why this state of affairs?

It wasn’t always this way.

A lot of the ills of the modern world can be put down to this.

Alienation. Old people being depressed and isolated.

We’ve been hoodwinked.

To go out and make it on your own, to have your own place doesn’t benefit you at all.

You’ve been tricked. On tv they can make you want things just by having cool people want them.

It doesn’t benefit you but it does benefit the people who lend mortgages. Who make money through the sale of houses.

How? It increases market size. Isn’t this obvious.

I know what I should do but I don’t do it!

We know what we should do but we don’t do it it.

By should I don’t mean a moralistic should. I don’t mean a social norm.

I don’t mean by this that we know we should help the little old lady cross the road but don’t.

Sure there are some who feel that should. It can be a should.

What I mean is we know what we should do to be more content.

Or at least we think we do and that’s all I need for my point.

For instance personally I know I should practice mindfulness and meditation in the sense that eckhart tolle teaches it.

Not because I want to gain a special insight or to get enlightened but simply because I know it makes life incredibly pleasant for me.

I don’t know if it would for you. I would certainly suggest anyone give it a go.

But I do know from past experience that it propels me into a state of almost constant, peaceful ecstasy.

A bit like drugs except you have all the pros of sobriety and all the pros of inebriation. It really is quite fantastic.

So saying this why don’t I practice it?

Why am I not doing it Now?

To get at my reason maybe I could come at it unawares so to speak.

There may be some among you who if I said “You should try meditation” would look at me, see that I don’t practice (Well always) what I preach and decide on that basis to not bother.

You could be very unhappy and want to he happy.

Now then even if I don’t practise what I preach why should you not try it?

I mean it might work and the cost if it doesn’t is a couple of minutes out of your day.

Really you use the fact that I don’t practice what I preach as an excuse for you not to bother and the reason you use it as an excuse is the exact same reason why I don’t practice what I preach.

We’re lazy. We say we want something yet we do not do the very things that will or might bring us that thing.

In a sense this is a kind of ground.

When asked why we are like this we are left with nothing else to say but other ways of saying the same thing.

I don’t do what I know I should because I am lazy; laziness is just another way of saying you don’t do what you know you should.

There’s only one answer and it’s really quite simple.

How do we stop not doing what we know we should?

Just do it silly.

Why don’t we do it?

Because we don’t haha.

It’s incredibly simple.

To avoid this. To avoid getting what we want we come up with all sorts of crazy schemes. The craziest of all is this blame game!

Mummy issues

When I was younger I used to have a go at my parents for how they brought me up.

I would criticize them for not making me fit in more.

I think this is a common thing with us humans.

It takes many guises but all the forms it takes share a common theme. You are blaming someone for you.

You are saying that because your parents did this you’re a fuck up.

That because you didn’t have parents you’re a fuck up.

That because this person did this horrible thing you are a fuck up.

So you have a go at these people or parents. You’re angry at them.

But say you get what you think you want.

You have a go at them and they cry. They get down on their knees and say “sorry”.

What good is that to You? You’re still a fuck up right?

All of us can do some things and can’t do other things. Every one of us knows what we should do and to varying degrees don’t do it.

This is universal and this is why you think you’re a fuck up.

Everyone reacts to stimuli differently. A thing a parent does to one child that makes them happy could traumatize another.

Human interaction is a game of roulette.

All that we are doing when we blame other people for ourselves is avoiding the issue.

You don’t like yourself. That is the problem. You think you are a badly made human being.

Even if this is true what good is an apology? After all it would just be someone else agreeing with your self loathing. “I’m sorry I fucked you up.” Is just “You’re a fuck up” wearing a smiling mask.

Why do you think you’re a fuck up?

According to whom?

Where did you get your standards from? Do you even know?

Don’t you see that as long as you operate within this framework you will never stop hating yourself?

That even if you manage to be who you think you should be there will be that little voice at the back of your head that says “You’re a fake.”

In response to “what’s the point to anything if we are all gonna die? Why not just die now?”

If life is no fun… ever… And you know this and you’ve tested this then kill yourself.

But why not wait for a bit? Why the rush?

So you’ve decided to kill yourself… You’re actually going to do it….

Stop for a bit and look around.

Is there anything you want to do but haven’t because you’re too scared.

Why not do it now?

Rob that bank, fuck that horny granny, tell a random beautiful or ugly person they’re beautiful or ugly.

What’s stopping you from doing It? What’s scaring you?

Your gonna die right? And You’re gonna die when you choose?

What threat can possibly exist against you?

Don’t you see you are god?

A Well Intentioned god.

A well intentioned god came along and made people. He meant to be the hero but couldn’t stop being the villain.

He thought people were “good” (deep down and naturally) but just didn’t know what “good” was. He reasoned to himself that ignorance thwarted their desperate attempts at being “good”.

“A ha” he said with a light bulb above his head “I’ll teach them what “good” is!”

So he went to start and just before the first word left his mouth he realized that he didn’t know what “good” was.

What was he to do?

“A ha” he said again “I’ll find the “good”

So he searched and he searched.

He criss crossed a basket weave over all of existence and at the end of his trials he stood empty handed because “What is” when asked concerning the “good” said nothing.

“A ha” he said yet again “I know what I shall do. I shall make the “good””

With nothing to base the “good” on except his own preference he based it on that.

Of course he was more coy about that fact to both himself and the people he’d made.

He would sometimes say when asked “oh that’s good because, er, because it allows you to harvest more, or stops you being sick” but mostly he just said “it’s good because it’s good”

Once the good was set up (the people called them laws) he thought to himself “my work is done. Now they have been told what to do they can carry on without being told anymore”

Many generations of the people were born and died when he thought “I’m going to go check in on those “good” people. It will be “good” to bask in my prior accomplishments.”

So he went back and discovered it was somehow worse than he left it.

What had gone wrong?

He wiped the people out.

“Start from scratch.” he said.

So he made the people again and gave them the “good” he had made again. Now though he stayed to see what would happen.

Silently he watched from the ether. He watched and he saw.

He saw that it had nothing to do with the content of the “good”; nothing to do with what the particular laws said.

There was a surface and a depth to the application of “good”.

On the surface the “good” worked. It told people what they could or couldn’t do and what they could do to the people who did what they couldn’t.

Below that though the law had taken on another function unpredicted by him.

The “good” became synomous with trust. People trusted “good” people and they knew who was “good”and who wasn’t by looking at the law.

“All well and good, ” mumbled our protagonist “or at least it would be if some people didn’t have the cheek to disregard my “good”.

“Now there are people who want to harm other people or exploit them and I’ve given them the perfect disguise!

“They can hide behind the “good”. If I hadn’t made the good in the first place they’d have nowhere to hide and everyone would see their rapacity.

“And that’s not all! Their sacrilege knows no bounds because those very men who want to bind others to their own interests have re-fashioned the “good” as they see fit.”

He stared around him at the mess he’d made. He was about to wipe the people out again but then thought better.

“That’s enough meddling for me don’t you think?” He said through the 4th wall.