“You’re a Bitch!” aka “You won’t have Sex and be in a Relationship with me!” aka “You’re not obeying me!”

One time I was rejected by a girl.

Well it wasn’t the only time I had ever been rejected. You’d need to be a creature with loads of fingers to be able to count on your hands the times I’ve been rejected and dumped.

Anyway she gave that normal “It’s not you it’s me” line. She also said things like “I just don’t think I’m ready for a relationship” and so on.

You know all the things someone says when they don’t want to say why they really rejected you.

The reason she rejected me was because I wasn’t her type; our ways of living and values didn’t match up; and maybe she didn’t find me sexually attractive (but that’s obviously not true because my grandma says I’m handsome).

Now why all the evasions?

One obvious (and probably the main) reason is that she didn’t want to hurt my feelings; which is a laudable reason. But that isn’t the only reason.

Wait there; we need a bit more context.

We had gone on a date of sorts. We had kissed and fondled a bit.

In my eyes this behaviour (including actual intercourse) is done in order to test compatibility; to see if I was her type. Given this it’s perfectly fine to call it quits if you don’t think you and the other are compatible.

The problem is that some people label this behaviour “leading someone on” and this (especially when attached to women) is considered by those people as “sluttish” behaviour.

Of course it hurts when someone you find sexually attractive and want to be compatible with rejects you; but they haven’t done anything wrong by rejecting you!

If they have then I’ve done something wrong whenever I leave the Brussels-sprouts on the plate!

To get to the point.

We had an amicable and open conversation on Facebook after the rejection where I managed to get her to own up to the fact that she just didn’t like me in that way.

I didn’t do it in a nasty or forceful way. I said things like “You do know it’s fine to not like someone in that way?” and “You do know you’re not obliged to be with someone just because you kissed them?”

I talked to her about this because I was curious about why someone would use such evasions and eventually I got her to admit “It’s because I don’t want to seem like a bitch.”

This made me realize something!

When people insult people seriously it is because that person has failed to do what the person doing the insulting wanted them to do. It’s basically a masked way of saying “You’re not obeying me”.

I can see where the urge to call a woman who rejects you a bitch comes from; it’s a desperate ploy to get sex or a relationship. Also it comes from the pain of rejection; it’s a vent.

The silliness of using such tactics and being offended by them is easily seen because a bitch is a female dog and a human is a human.

Also you are trying to accuse someone of being promiscuous for not acting promiscuously!

Ha ha people are silly robots sometimes!

Power is an Illusion especially in pseudo-love

Power is ever an illusion.

It is based on sleight of hand and magician’s tricks.

It is a transitory feeling that only lasts as long as it’s expressed.

How can you control what is not you when you can’t even choose your next thought?

Power is ever The illusion.

It is the disguise behind which the cowardly hide from the painful knowledge that comes from head-butting a mountain again and again.

Power is ever an illusion,

It sustains itself by tricking other’s into thinking they’re not good enough. That they need more to be better.

Power hides behind another illusion: perfection.

“You want to be perfect don’t you?” Power whispers seductively into the slaves ear.

The gangsters in the slums who hook chumps on drugs to do their bidding; are no different to the bankers in their sky-scrapers who hook chumps on paper to do their bidding.

Power is ever an illusion.

How can you control what is not you when you can’t even choose your next intention?

The real power lies in the eyes of the people deceived into being slaves.

It lies in the power they have to turn around and call the deluded megalomaniac’s bluff.

“Pull the trigger.”

You calmly state with that look in your eye that says “I’m ready to die!”

“Be the king of an empty kingdom you poor foolish man”

There’s knowing the path and then there’s walking the path. with a dash of alienation.

I often talk about the irrational sources of suffering and from the way I write you’d be forgiven for thinking that I have it all sorted.

But you would be wrong.

Over the last year – the interregnum between my last consistent blogging and during the recent revival of blogging since I started anxiety meds – I have been in a depressed slump.

I try to blame this on not having a girl-friend. Which is only partly true.

I crave sex and intimacy. To be with someone who enjoys me for my mind, personality and body. Who I enjoy for their mind, body and personality.

But that isn’t all I crave.

I don’t even think it’s the main thing I crave.

I’m a philosopher.

It’s what the voice in my head does when I let it do what it wants..

Due to social anxiety and laziness I only ever finished the first year of college.

This has left me alienated in a world of people who talk about things that don’t interest me.

That doesn’t mean certain types of conversation are better than others. It’s just a statement of my personal preference.

A world where if I am to talk about what interests me; that is act spontaneously, I either take the role of teacher and/or make people feel stupid.

Literally my mind’s off-switch is pondering philosophical issues. Issues like free-will; what kinds of questions it is possible to answer (I currently think it’s “What will happen if I do this?” and even that’s just a bet based on previous experience (Hume’s problem of induction)); what is knowledge and are we conning ourselves into thinking that knowledge and language are equal.

Also social analysis.

I was at a funeral once.

At the wake I said to someone “He’s no longer suffering. Funerals are just rituals the living use to unnecessarily justify or give themselves a legitimate means of grieving.”

To which he responded: “You’re heartless!”

I was trying to make him feel better about our mate dying. That was my intention.

But now I’m going to do something about it. My plan shall be in the next blog.

The irrational cause of suffering in love

Have you ever noticed how irrational people are in their everyday social interactions.

Most domestic arguments are merely two people disagreeing about something and refusing to accept each other’s disagreement. Thus they spend hours head-butting the wall that the other’s disagreement presents. They will persist in trying to make the other believe what they believe and do what they want them to do.

This type of behaviour is often characterized by circularity. That is they just repeat over and over their reasons for believing or not believing a thing. They say and do the exact same thing again and again.

Now this mode of thought – or behaviour – is incredibly different to the mode of thought that people use to fix things.

This mind-set is typified by a calm observation of the problem and a multiplicity of different actions. They experiment with different actions until the problem is solved or they realize the problem is insoluble.

Why don’t people use the same methods in social interactions as they use when they try to fix things?

Try various ways of changing someone if you wish; but don’t just say and do the same things over and over which seems to be the default setting for most people.

Einstein (I think; though I am unsure. But it doesn’t really matter who said it because it’s just a good quote) said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again but expecting different results.” According to this definition pretty much everyone is insane.

Naughty Communication

Arbitrary expressions of affection (or any emotion for that matter) come closer to displaying the true purpose of communication than say the form I am now engaged in. We don’t really communicate to convey information; we communicate for the sheer hell of it. But because we’re silly billys we have to create elaborate justifications for communication such as “to convey information” which is a bit like the teenagers caught fucking who said they were testing what they saw in biology class as justification for engaging in their activity.

 

Both with smirks on their faces too.

The disabled and our reaction to them – plus a tangential bit on bullying

There’s a woman who works at a shop I go to sometimes; She has a disfigured face.

 

A lump protrudes above her eye-ball and there is scarring down her cheeks.

 

She’s also small; almost a midget.

 

I don’t really look at her because I worry that by doing so I will offend her.

 

I do this despite knowing that by not looking at her I am labelling her as something not to be looked at.

 

That I am depriving her of the fundamental human necessity of being recognized as a fellow human being; the most basic form of which is eye contact and a look in the face.

 

It’s just to make eye-contact; or to even look at her face, feels like taking a dive off a cliff.

 

Not because she is ugly but because I am worried that it’s not socially appropriate to stare at deformed people.

 

Plus I don’t really know when a normal “looking at” becomes a “staring”.

 

She must be constantly reminded of her face in the eyes of others.

 

Downcast like mine or staring like someone braver.

 

It must be an inescapable fact of her life.

 

In the morning she must look in the mirror and think “I am ugly” on a verbal or non-verbal level.

 

Was she born like it?

 

The first gift from God, right after life begins: ugliness.

 

Growing up, going through school and puberty knowing that you are not attractive.

 

Looking at everyone else and marking yourself as inferior.

 

Children can be beastly.

 

I don’t mean  that in the Edwardian aristocratic sense: “Oh, you are beastly.”

 

I mean it in the sense that children can be cruel.

 

They will happily spend hours methodically dismembering one beetle after another; without feeling any sympathy or remorse.

 

Children would physically dismember each other if only they had the strength.

 

Instead they do it psychologically.

 

They mentally dismember the object of their cruelty; when that object is another human child.

 

Like piranhas swarming round a thrashing monkey they bite and they bite; until the monkey’s form is revealed in it’s skeletal decrepitude.

 

You will never gain mercy from a child.

 

I think it’s because they have this belief; somewhere deep down and hidden from the lens of language.

 

A belief that they are the centre of the universe.

 

Maybe even that they are the only person that really is.

 

The only Being in a Being-less world.

 

That everything and everyone is a mere fiction created for their pleasure or pain; depending on what context the child is in.

 

I know this from experience.

 

And sadly I don’t have the solace gained from the moral high-ground; I was bullied and I bullied.

 

I revelled in the cruelty endemic to youth.

 

I can’t hide behind the fact that I was just trying to fit in.

 

It’s that very drive that causes the bullying in the first place.

 

It’s like saying I’m not responsible for the bath over-flowing I just turned the tap.

 

 

 

(I’m going to have to re-hash my opinions on free-will; it’s not that I believe we have free-will. It’s just that I don’t think free-will or determinism are appropriate terms for human actions)

 

Dialogue between an old man and a young man

Young Man: You’re an apologetic thinker

Old Man: I’m who I am. Not by my choice; but by the choice of the one who’s in control. [He means the biblical God]

Young Man: You could be open-minded like me. Instead of being a Liverpool fan clinging to the post bleating “we are the best” no matter what. You could be free to frolic in the sunny gardens where you can say a team is best because it’s scored more goals or something.

Old Man: I believe in the Christian God because I know; I’ve had a revelation. So have you! I choose to believe; you don’t.

Young Man: I don’t choose to believe or not believe. What’s the difference anyway? Belief and non-belief are fictions we create to give ourselves a means of creating an identity. To confirm to ourselves we’re here and we’re who we want to think we are.

Old Man: Will you choose to comment back? You have a choice; we all have.

Young Man: “I don’t choose to believe or not believe – – – what’s the difference anyway? Belief and non-belief are fictions we create to give ourselves a means of creating an identity.”

That was my comment back.

Old Man: That was your choice. So you had a choice! You also have a choice to accept your revelation from God; instead you chose the world.

And how’s it working out?!?!

Young Man: https://christopherjack101.wordpress.com/…/more-on…/

I did accept my revelation. I just saw that it was the same thing that had been given to millions of others with hundreds of mutually exclusive beliefs.

Old Man: And all from the one same [bilical] God.

Young Man: If that’s what floods your penis with blood then I don’t see why you shouldn’t go on believing it.

Old Man: I don’t understand why you have to drag the conversation down to the level of personal private parts…

Young Man: I like the level of the personal private parts. Think of me as some centipedy grub wrapped round your hard on, with a proboscis inserted into your japs eyes, that has one of those ball like things sliding up its length like a mosquito sucking blood as I extract whatever it is you keep in that shrivelled hole!

Old man: I would never ever have talked to an Old Man the way you have talked to me! The sad drop in standards of this generation does not surprise me at all.

Young Man: It’s not a drop in standards; but an increase in freedom. I talk to you like I do to anyone. Rather than hiding it away and only furtively beating up the man of the cloth whilst Napoleon is out conquering the dirty houses; I nakedly luxuriate in the living room (whilst my mum’s watching on the buses) masturbating to rape porn and spunking on the dogs.

Old Man: No, Young Man! It is a massive drop in standards. We had more freedom years ago when I was your age.

You are just making excuses for your terrible and disgusting behaviour.

The way you treat yourself and others is awful.

Young Man: I treat no-body terribly. It is the stupid ideals you defend that forced people into ugly masks that is the disgusting behaviour you are referring to.

I treat everyone as adults.

You are just illegitimately extending the rules of your stupid sub-culture to include everyone. Sorry mate but you’ve gotta open your eye’s and see the beautiful fact that we can live out our freaky dances in freedom!

And standards!?

Whose standards would these be?

Who chose them?

I certainly didn’t choose them!

So you know what I’m gonna do with them? I’m gonna fucking defenestrate them! That’s what I’m gonna do. If you had two synapses to rub together you’d do the same.

It’s you and you’re stupid traditions and standards that have made the world the shit hole it is today: where everyone wears too much make-up and are too concerned with how they appear.

They constantly feel the need to consume because your fucktard of a generation has left everyone feeling guilty and ashamed when they don’t need to be.

It’s to alleviate the pain of the false guilt and shame that they have to consume and consume.

It’s because or your ideals and beliefs that the world is fucked up Old Man

And all because I treat myself in a manner you wouldn’t want to treat yourself doesn’t mean that the way I treat myself is wrong. It just means you would prefer to treat yourself differently. Most of how you treat yourself is driven by a concern about what the Jones’ will think of you anyway.

I’m a free individual and from the perspective of a trapped individual I appear aberrant. I am; but that’s because you (like most people) are trapped by your need to get other people to believe what you believe just so you can confirm to yourself you’re the man you want to be.

Whereas I’m free to explore idea-space fearlessly having left behind the illusion of an identity and the exhausting effort it takes to maintain one.

Old Man: People see how you treat yourself and it has an effect on others.

You can believe whatever you want. What you need is some common decency which is very sadly lacking.

Young Man: Often “effect on others” is just a term we use to justify being dictators to others.

I don’t like the way you behave or your sub-culture and I’m going to express that dislike by saying “It has an effect on me” when the only effect it has on you is your stupid opinion regarding that behaviour which ain’t yours anyway. It has been brainwashed into you by your parents social milieu and your own social milieu.

You need to discover who you are Old man cause currently you’re just a puppet dangling on the strings controlled by the media and powers that be. You’re just an empty clone of a man who repeats what he’s heard again and again.

The lights are on Old Man but I’m afraid no-one’s home.

Identity is a trap! Get out! Get out! Whilst you Still Can!

Identity is a trap.

Identity is an illusion.

People are a lot like protean blobs. One moment they are a triangle, the next a square, and the next a dodecahedron.

Whenever you ask people “Who are you?” you get a range of replies. Some say they are what they like “I’m a music lover” or “I’m a fan of someone or other”. Some say they are activities “I’m a carpenter”, “I’m a philosopher”. Some say they are beliefs “I’m an atheist”, “I’m a Christian.”; others say they are morals “I’m good”, “I’m bad”.

The thing is that – besides the fact that they are all things that are either behaviours anybody could do or things that anybody could say of themselves – none of these fit the range of who you are in your concrete, daily life. They are like the shapes the protean blob takes.

It’s like you have this protean blob before you constantly changing shape. It says to you “I’m a triangle!” and you point at it and say “You were for a bit but now you’re a cube!” Well a human being claiming to have an identity is doing the exact same thing.

The thing is our actual nature is protean. The illusion of identity is an attempt to fix in one shape that which is unfixable.

When you are a child and your granny says “You’re a good boy!” she is trying (in most cases unwittingly) to give you an identity. To shape you into an image she finds acceptable. That of being a good person (whatever good may be; given your social milieu).

The thing is that the child rapidly realizes that it isn’t always good. That it doesn’t always have good urges.

This is because of the unchangeable changeable nature of our being.

In some cases the young man will suppress (that is hide away) the characteristics he has that don’t fit the identity he was given. He toes the line. The other case is the rebellious teenager we all hear so much about.

I Just Don’t Get Humans!

People are strange creatures. They will insist on talking about their problems but will never listen to solutions. In fact it isn’t even necessary for them to talk about their problems! Any human creature with a semblance of a brain could quite rapidly articulate almost any problem they are likely to meet, enumerate the actions they could take and decide what to do or not to do.

If you look into any domestic problem it boils down to something really quite simple. Take for instance the situation of a parent with a child who insists on abusing substances.

In this case the problem is “My child abuses substances”. There is nothing difficult to apprehend in such a proposition. After articulating this predicament to a fellow hominid the being who pronounced it generally shakes their head and says something along the lines of “I just don’t know what to do?!”.

On what grounds do they make such a dismal statement? Have they endeavoured to analyse the situation? Have they even spent an iota of effort on divining possible actions they could take?

No! In almost every case the adult – and it is adults who engage in this activity! I am yet to see a child genuinely hang its head and mutter “I just don’t know what to do!” – just pollutes the air around himself with vacuous ejaculations of misery!

Just to show how easy it is to analyse such a circumstance:

Either I can do something to stop my child being a substance abuser or I cannot.

What actions can I do to remedy the situation?

          1. Shout at child
          2. Tempt child with money or other desirables
          3. reason with the child
          4. etc (Come up with actions till your creative faculty has spent itself)

After you have gone through this list you are left with the fact that there is nothing you can do.

Now that you realize this you can either accept reality or continue stressing. Most people continue stressing despite the fact that out of the alternatives (Substance abusing child without you stressing and substance abusing child with you stressing) this is the least desirable (at least on a conscious level).

Even when people become consciously aware of this state of affairs they do not desist from enacting them again and again. Actually I think it is this very phenomenon that is the cause of stories concerning demonic possession!

Respect of Sincerity continued

It isn’t enough to simply state that respect is a malicious value. It isn’t even enough to show how it contradicts something like sincerity. It must be shown how, by holding to the value of respect, life becomes worse. How respect causes people to act in such a way that they stop themselves from living the kind of life they deeply want, from living a life in which they engage with their fellow human on a deep and significant level.

 

Let me be explicit in my presumptions. I presume that everyone wants to be free, that everyone wants to have the kind of interaction with those that they love that is characterized by an open-ness, by an honesty of communication. I presume that one would be deeply troubled by the realization that those who they loved found being with them arduous.

 

So respect forces us to wear a mask when in the presence of those who we respect. This becomes evident when you compare the way you behave around your close friends to the way you behave around those who you “respect”.

 

In my case the way I behave with my “mates” is quite different to the way I behave around my grandma. This isn’t the result of my grandma being a cantankerous old so and so; she is actually a wonderful old lady though she is in the thrall of an abusive system of values. Rather this is the result of my conditioning. A conditioning that is so implicit in it’s action that I find it very hard to counter. It’s probably a conditioning that wasn’t picked up by an explicit disciplining on the part of my parents but rather picked up by watching how those around me behaved towards certain people.

 

It isn’t just me that is conditioned in this way but my whole family. As a result there is a lack of common ground between me and my grandma’s generation. Due to the lack of common ground and the value of respect socializing with that generation becomes somewhat awkward. It’s not that there is any conscious realization of this. Or rather I have come to consciously realize this but that has been as a result of treating my own experiences in the same way that I would treat a text. That is by applying the same hermeneutical techniques to it.

 

Because of this respect and the fact it coerces one into wearing a mask and the fact that wearing a mask is arduous it then causes people to distance themselves from those they respect in this way. Though the two parties love each other respect – in it’s insidious malevolence – has caused them to become distant. In fact respect is so subtle in it’s action that it uses love against itself. The reason I maintain an attitude of respect towards my grandma isn’t because I fear what she can do to me but that I do not want to cause her pain which I undoubtedly would if I acted as I normally do. Not that I act in a seriously bad manner it’s just her value system has conditioned her to find actions contrary to it alarming and hurtful! Such actions as swearing or talking about “obscene” things, or questioning various values.