There is a divine conspiracy afoot.
One of the ways to express this conspiracy is “nothing is as it seems”.
God has set the world up in such a way that that which is most valuable appears valueless and that which is valueless appears valuable.
When we are born, when we are young we are in love with the world. We are enraptured by it.
Just look at how wide a babies eyes are. What those eyes are saying is:
Wow look at this what the hell is this I don’t know I can’t even speak to myself but this, this colour is intoxicating and me breathing in and out fucking hell that feels good and what did I just do I shat myself god that feels soooo relieving.
People have the same realization when they are told death is imminent. Dostoyevsky in “The Idiot” has the protagonist talk about what he felt and thought when he thought he was going to be executed before the firing line.
He said that in that moment he saw how valuable life was, that he would have done anything to just go on living even if that meant living in a square metre of land. He talked about how the most trivial of experiences (the sun glinting of a church spire) was the most precious thing he could conceive of.
The divine conspiracy has set it up so that the baby doesn’t know what it knows and by the time it is capable of reflection this glory has faded, become mundane and been replaced by the trash of imitation that is media and the spectacular.
That is the divine conspiracy has us throwing in the bin the most valuable thing and we spend most of our lifes seeking this lost treasure but never look in the last place we think of: the bin.
Eventually this has us throwing ourselves in the bin because it has us on the hamster-wheel. The goodie is always over the next hill, just one more cycle on this wheel and I’ll be there and this must be the way to the goodie because it’s so much effort. The goodie is never here and now always there and then.
Of course we ourselves can’t be the goodie because we’re oh so familiar and for the same reason we throw our experience of breathing and shitting in the bin we throw ourselves in the bin.
But this is not as it seems. This seems bad but it’s good because the treasure is there in the bin. It is breathing, shitting, talking, sleeping and, yes, even suffering.
Most of us spend our lifes desperately struggling up the sides of the bin trying to get out but always falling back in. This is the struggle of Sisyphus.
Sadly it takes imminent death to take the blinkers off most people. The fear of losing the true goodie shows the true goodie to be the true goodie.
This is why people with suicidal tendencies also have a greater chance of realizing this because they are fixated on death.
Wisdom lies in the house of mourning.
And yes I love Epica 😛