Love is a Circus

[An email I sent to my lover who is in an abusive and controlling relationship after watching “Water for Elephants” which she told me to watch because she thought it described our predicament]
If I hadn’t learnt the skill of controlling my mind I’d be in torment in our present predicament.
Basically mind says something like “She’s just coming to you; to cheat on him to; get back at him for cheating on her”, “He’s hurting her right now.”, “He won’t let her go” and such thoughts.

That thought then causes an emotion.

Now most people go into a feedback loop.

The emotion makes them think the kind of thought that caused the emotion which causes them to think that type of thought which causes the emotion…
The loop goes on and on like a spinning top; except it doesn’t slow down but whirls faster and faster and faster until you’re in a frenzy and don’t know what to do with yourself.
The trick is to focus on the emotion.
Ignore the thought.
The thought will continue speaking in your head for a bit because it craves your attention. It feeds off your attention; sapping you of all your positive energy and feelings like a vampire.
The trick is when your mind produces thoughts you enjoy have fun with them; pay attention to them, revel and whirl till you’re a tornado of ecstasy.
When your mind produces thoughts that cause you pain or suffering pay attention to the feelings. The physical feelings.

Treat your mind like a dog. When it does what you want give it a treat: your attention. When it does what you don’t want give it a tap on the nose: with-hold your attention.

Treat your mind like a garden. Water and fertilize the flowers; give drought and famine to the weeds.

The cool thing is that the emotional turmoil negative thoughts produce is often such an intense feeling that it’s quite easy to keep your attention on that feeling and ignore the thought.

Like training any dog it takes time.
I’ve been doing it for years.
I’ve fully analysed our predicament. Realized there’s nothing I can currently do. Realized that in fact the power is in your hands. I’m like the vet in that film “Water for Elephants” and you have to choose whether to jump with me or not.
We just need to find an elephant.

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